being myself

2008-01-12T16:11:00.000Z

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-12-13T23:23:00.000Z

brutti presentimenti, cose che non capisco.... è vero non sempre si può capire tutto specialmente quando si parla di comportamenti di altre persone, miliardi possono essere i motivi che li influenzano, tante ragioni e tutte diverse tra loro ma questo mi confonde..... cosa pensare? cosa fare? come rispondere?
Ormai la mia decisione è presa, è presa dentro di me e qualcuno lo sa ma non mi va di parlarne, mi fa paura l'idea ma è quello che volgio!!! E' brutto non poterne parlare con chi si vuole anche qui per tante e diverse ragioni.... nessuno aveva deto sarebbe stato facile...forse non capisco perchè non voglio capire, forse vedo quello che non c'è, la mia immaginazione va sempre troppo veloce e troppo lontano, oltre la realtà, anche questa volta credo sia stato così e anche questa volta sta andando oltre, trovando giustificazioni, creando scenari, dando per scontate soluzioni, eventi esiti, pensieri, scelte, vita.

Mettere un freno, un freno a tutto, si può? è realmente e umanamente possibile fare qualcosa di lontanamente simile a fermare i pensiri? a fermare dita che scorrono come acqua su una tastiera non curanti di chi leggerà?? è possibile?? non lo so, non ci voglio pensare, voglio solo immaginare, immaginare in modo positivo, creare l'esatta immagine di quello che voglio e non di quello che non voglio e inseguirla con tutte le mie forze con tutta la mia passione, voglia e speranza.
Il brutto presentimento rimane ma da adesso dovrà lottare contro i pensieri positivi.
Quanda gente falsa però c'è in giro, quante bugie, quante strategie subdole, quanta gente calcolatrice che dice solo quello che gli altri si vogliono sentir dire per raggiungere l'obiettivo, mi fanno veramente schifo, spero che non raggiungano i loro obiettivi, spero che alla fine ciò che è giusto, oggettivamente giusto prevalga, che le parole rimangano tali e che i fatti parlino, anzi urlino...... posso ancora fidarmi ???? Lo spero, per me!!

how do i feel?!?!?!?!

2007-12-06T10:01:00.000Z

how do i feel?

happy, scared, confused, misunderstood, with a lot of friends, in a hurry, alone,loved, admired, not at the top, low performer,satisfied and unsutisfied, excited, free ..... i feel a mess....i feel strange... nothing is clear, neither me and what i want in each sense

i feel ..... i feel.....wake me up when december ends!!!

2007-11-30T23:16:00.000Z

perchè le cose non possone essere più semplici?
perchè non posso semplicemente dire e fare per come mi sento?
perchè devo sempre essere così razionale?
perchè non riesco a lasciarmi andare come vorrei?
perchè devo sempre vedere quello che faccio male e mai quello che faccio bene?
perchè non ho forza di volonta?
perchè non mi concentro?
perchè ho così paura di dire cosa ho dentro?
perchè penso sempre che la gente cerchi di fregarti?
perchè vedo tutto o bianco o nero?
perchè sono così stronza?
perchè sono così individualista?
perchè non riesco ad alzarmi presto al mattino?
perchè perchcè perché???

magari faccio prima a smettere di chiedermi i perchè e iniziare a cambiare quello che non mi piace, avrebbe più senso....

looot of things to do

2007-11-29T13:18:00.000Z

yesterday i sudyed until 1:00 and this morning i woke up late, i went to university to ask for my thesis and i wasted a lot of time waiting for the teacher. Instead of this i feel in a great mood, i feel positive and i don't want to waste time today, i'm planning to study a lot and to keep hight concentration!!!
Yesterday night i spoke with totò and i suddenly felt powerfull, thank you so much my friend!! Is so strange that someone so far from you can be so close and can have such a positive impact, it's good to have someone to count on!!!!
His words helped me a lot yesterday and gave me the strenght to continue studying in the night!!!Thank you.
Now i don't want to lose that energy, i want to focus only on my exams because from that depends a lot of things and also big decisions for the next year!!! This days until 11th of december will be full immersion and i really want to do it, i'm committed to this objective, it's too important.
I need also to work on a small introduction for my thesis to convince the teacher to accept me!!! I'll do my best i want him as tutor, i can't accept other possibility, i'll do it!!!!
Until the weekend i want also to finish the program of financial law to be able to start with the other subject by monday!!!!
i think that i just need to believe in what i'm doing to be able to do it!!!

2007-11-28T13:22:00.000Z

SHE'S ALWAYS A WOMAN

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
And she only reveals what she wants you to see.

She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me.

She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you,
She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you,
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free,
Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me.

Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants,
She's ahead of her time.

Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in,
She just changes her mind.

And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding,
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be.

Blame it all on yourself cause she's always a woman to me.

Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants,
She's ahead of her time.

Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in,
She just changes her mind.

She is frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel,
She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool,
But she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree,
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me.

Billy Joel

The secret

2007-11-17T11:35:00.001Z

Confusion

2007-11-17T10:52:00.001Z

This week has been crazy...... i'm so confused... i don't know what to do, i'm not able to focus on a single thing i always think randomly.
The problem is that i need to chose, yes or not, but between them there are a lot of thing a lot of "if" or "but"... i know what is my priority for the next year... study and obtain my degree, i don't want to postpone it, is too much important.
I'll take my degree in july or september i need to understand if it's possible also to do something else in that period... besides this i need to understand if i really want to do something else. Right now i'm tired and i want to focus on university...
Tomorrow i'll leave for a meeting in Catania i hope to solve my dubts there, to understand what is important for my life now and to make the right choice.

meeting my friends

2007-11-16T12:59:00.000Z

It has been a cool night!!!! Thanks, Iole, titty, melo and all the ones that were there, i loved to see you all and to dance sicilian songs. I missed my land. I love to be sicilian :D

My Mac is Back

2007-11-14T14:01:00.000Z

YEEEEEEE!!!!!
After a long period without him i've again my love:D
My mac works again, it has a problem with wireless.....
i'm so happyyyyy!!!!

2007-11-02T18:41:00.000Z

Somethimes is so difficult.. i say something ad the others don't understand what i mean, or i act in a particular way and someone don't understand again what i mean or what i feel!! It's my fault or not? is something i need to work on.... i want people understand what i've inside but the problem is that when it happen ususally i'm to busy or to concentrated on other stuffs and i let things going on.

Also in that case.. probably i should have been more sincere, but sincere is not the right world, i mean transparent and not paranoic..but obviously i didn't do it!!!!

I can't understad why i always need to be strong, i'm not so strong, i have feelings, and i don't need nothing so special, i'm not pretending anything, i'm adaptable but maybe i'm not able to chose. maybe that's my problem. I made wrong choices and i'm afraid i'll do it again and again and i'll be sad and unsatisfied. I always wish that something will change, that something wll be as i want, but that something is not under my influence, i can't control it..... is not a problem of being lucky or not, it's just a matter of want we want for ourself..... what i want? i needto think about it

MY MC TEAM

2007-10-29T11:06:00.001Z

2007-10-27T20:07:00.000+01:00

Strange and difficoult period for me!
A lot of thoughts a lot og choices that i've to take soon, a lot of things to do and i'm not concentrated. I want to be calm, serene, to take time for me and think about everything drinking a cup of the. I want a day dedicated to all of this mental stuffs that makes me feel antious and confused. I need peace, and i need around me people that bring me this feeling and not nervours one!I want to be able to solve problems, little and big problems by myself. I don't want to ask for help to people i don't like. I want i blond girl starts to have a personality, i want....i want a hug, i want not fell warm. I wish i am a little cat, i wish evryone likes me and say me i'm so cute, i wish i am every day as i like to be.....

I think ive almost everything i want.... working on what i miss

2007-10-18T11:50:00.000+01:00

Evening at SICILIANO with titty and Ioletta:) it was relaxing, really, talking about random things, AIESEC, love, university and drinking wine :) I needed i night like that, and i'm like to have friends like them.

2007-10-15T11:12:00.000+01:00

so many changes in this months, so many in the last days....what can i say, i'm getting used to this life, to this way of living. Every day happen something new, and i need to run faster and faster to reach everything i need, somethimes cutting useless habits.
Reading, i'm trying to read everyday a book, before sleeping or in the brack between different activities.
In this moment i'm reading "I love shopping" an easy reading book, but i need it to get again used to read, to empty my brain from seriuos thoughts and smile about that stupid adbentures of becky:p
EBC was cool, but coming back home wasn't so cool, i'm so lazy here, i always want to sleep maybe to run away from all the things i need to do until i leave again for pavia, ancona and milan, and then catania an at the and exam again!!! This will be a crazy period and in the end i'll be realy tired but i hope satisfyed. I would like to go to venice, sit alone on a bridge, and look to the laguna, that place is so inspiring, and i need inspiration right now. I need to find something that is realy mine and with wich i feel committed, a project, a plan for my future, everything is changing and the things i was sure of now are not. Where I'll be next year? what i really want to do? what is my long term plan? for my life, i need to find it as soon as possible, i need to start building my future now, not to lose opportunity or make wrong choice: but for doing this i need to.....who knows?? maybe just sit and think, understand what i like, what are my strenght and weeknesses and what kind of experience i need to change what i don't like of me!! I need to find time to do it, soon, really soon because time is running and i can't miss the train......

2007-10-11T11:45:00.000+01:00

Finally I'm at home...bu....what is home???
This days has been so full of things to do that 4 months passed so fast....as we said we have still8 months untile "take the door and come back home" and i'm sure that this months will be the best of ever!!!! Until now there's nothing i regret and i'm learning from what goes wrong, i'm growing, i feel this everyday, I'm learning to say no and to be more concrete, to use the days at maximum level( but i still need to improve this aspect). It's so strange to be again in my room, alone, without my teammates, Masha,Ana, Fede, Dani,Pimpy,Marty,Alba, Ire, Davide,Cardi. I've a great team, and i'm so proud to be part of it:) We had a great EBC in Lignano, It was stressing somethimes, and we slept few hours every night, but my room was cool :p Now I'm home but just for few days: This crazy Xp as Part Time of Aiesec in italy is helping me a lot to getting to know how i am, how i react in different situations, how i manage problems and stressing moments.... is so cool , it's something i couldn't imagine some months ago.
An example, a months ago my Mac brokes down and i was so disappointed, but in the end i manage this problem without getting stressed....yes now i still don't have a pc and i've to wrk with the one of my mum, and until now is not such a big problem but for sure it will be when i will have to gor for tutoring and coaching visit, but i'll found a way to manage it :)
Positive thinkink matters!!!

2007-09-17T18:53:00.001+01:00

My level of stress is dangerously increasing....
Today I'm really tired, maybe also because I'm sick, and tomorrow I've an exam... I'm not prepared, at all!!! But I'll try, the worst thing that could happen is that I'm not going to pass the test.... anyway I'll try
This matter is s useless "Economia Agraria", I'll never need it, neithr if i'll work as farmer.
I've headache and my mouth hurt, i don't know why.
I'm looking forward the end of this week, i want to go to Milan and relax a bit with my friends... yes we'll work but anyway we'll be together.
I want to go to EBC, i need to feel the network and i need to remember to myself why i'm doing this....
Purpose of the evening: think positive and go to sleep early trying to sleep as much as possible and wake up well...ready for the exam!!

today

2007-09-16T19:48:00.001+01:00

Life is so strange, you never know what could happen... one day you are sad and the day after happy as never before.
Little things makes me smile as a child, and gives me a sincere joy.... Talking with people around the world ( for work reasons most of the times) is so cool... understand other culture, talk about traditions and what they are living roght now.
Today I talked about Ramadan with Zine from Tunisia, and we talked about how he feels, i think I would never be able to respect all that rules and i admire who can!! I talked also with Armine, from Armenia, she loves Italy so much... actually a lot o people love italy:)

It has been a good day, i don't know how but i didn't think so much about stupid things and i studied, i took time for myself and sayed happy birthday to Samy :) have a nice night girl, see you next month :D

Now it's time to study again... but before there's a person I want to put here in this post. She is in India now and she will come back in Italy next year.She is living a great experience of internship in a company in the HP department, she found her way, Lauretta I'm proud of you, and I hope you'll have the time of your life there. Send e an email when you'll have time :)
I want to go away from Italy next year, I don't know where, but far I hope, south america or Africa... my first 2 choices but I'm opened to all the possibilities. Who knows? Maybe I'll stay in Italy.... i don't know, the time to chose is not so far but not so close too so ..... RELAX... TAKE IT EASY !!!!! :D

Born on saturday

2007-09-16T11:57:00.000+01:00

Una grande tenacia che porta spesso a grandi risultati, negli studi e nella vita, caratterizza i nati nel giorno dedicato a Saturno.
Dirigenti o capi di Stato sono spesso nati di sabato.
La loro dedizione al lavoro può spesso portare a trascurare gli affetti e il lato romantico della vita.
Per fortuna, il loro fascino rende loro estremamente facile sedurre nuove prede con cui passare notti di fuoco.

my days

2007-09-14T18:24:00.001+01:00

My life in this days

Wake up at 7:30 ....I hate my alarm... it rings every 5 minutes until when i woke up.... maybe i should love it

Coffè.... the first of the day...at 8:00.... then i need another one at 10 another after lunch and sometimes another in the afternoon

AAAAHHHH, the best thing when you need to study......

All the day, until 19:00 PM studing... nothing to add... just boring

And then... back home and start working until i finish ( generally 3 hours) ....

Stressed? just a prayer for you

2007-09-12T14:27:00.002+01:00

I'm angry

2007-09-11T20:47:00.000+01:00

I'm so....tired....angry....irritated....disappointed....bad feelings, really bad. I've a view of things that is not that one so I can't manage to go on like this, I promise to myself at the end of summer not to be paranoic, not to think to much to the same things ( seghe mentali). I promise to myself to be serene, to be calm, to find my way... but now? what's happening??? I don't heve what i need or maybe i have what i don't need...yes maybe is life this...so solution? throw away or push away what makes me feel in this way.... but I CAN'T!!!! AAAAAHHHHH I'm really really angry, i hope that you will have what you deserve....
but the good point in this sitation is that day bay day i'm understanding better who is my friend and who's not!!!! for sure, i'm learning so anyway i've something to thank you...

Paper doll

2007-09-10T19:49:00.000+01:00

Crazy day, i've done a lot of thing and i still have a lot of work/study to do.... but i need to take some minute of "mental break" not to think to that things.
I was thinking to some friend's behaviour and my final conclusion is.... I'm so happy to be me!!! I made mistakes, sometimes i do bad things but in the end i'm fine with myself, and my doll is so childish, it isn't able to talk with me and argue if necessary, and it's ok, it doesn't matter to me, anyway...it's just a paper doll.

2007-09-09T13:27:00.001+01:00

Weekend of parties....

First was Melo's Birthday, we were in Sagana, at Samaria's house and we eat and drink a lot of things, so fun :) kalashnikow destoyed one of my legs but i'm still alive :p Me and Iole started dancing it but noone could follow us, it's too fast too crazy :p
There were a surprise...Virgina was there, she came back from Congo just for 15 days and it was amaziong talking with her, about her life there, her activities and she seems so serene, i can say for sure that she is different from 4 month ago, when she left. We take a picture, me Melo and Virgy, girl you're so inspiring to us, and we missed you . Good luck for your life.
Another good thing of this night is that i saw again my frinds, Marco, dario, Jole, we enjoyed the night until 2 a.m. and then we back home together :)

The day after ( yesterday) was my parents day. 25 five years together!! Cousins, uncles, friends all together to remember that day. It was a nice day, the cerimony was simple and i'm happy of this choice and the dinner was great. The place was amazing and the atmosphere really informal and happy.I was the official photographer and i took a lot of picture, so funny :)
The only thing I was sad of is that a lot of people missed becouse they live far now, but they were on ours mind for sure :)

Today i woke up late and now I'm going to start studing.. boring Sunday as always...tomorrow all the day at the biblio, hoping it will be usefull :)

2007-09-06T20:00:00.000+01:00

I feel i'm ready again :) yes I am. Today has been a good day, 2 great news for my @work, results start to come, and i should feel happy, and for sure I am but I'm so tired now, all the day studing.... so boring. I worked too, finally I've a good balance, and I'm happy of the relationship I'm building with my LCs :) Personally speaking I'm really happy and satisfied, I've good feelings, and i feel powerfull, I've everything I need and I'm so lucky :) I'm just not sad but a bit disappointed about the behaviour of some people around me, so childish, so immature but it doesn't matter to me, i'm sooooo serene.

My lovely Martina sent me this picture.... how many things changed from that days, things i've never thought could happen... life is so strange... so crazy.... but the best things are always the one you never expect :)!!!!

I feel happy and it could be strange but i fell complete !! Thank you guys, i miss you all, I love my MC, i love my friends :)